It’s 2013, y’all! Last year was both the longest and shortest year of my life. It was jam packed with so much: homeschooling, surgery, vacations, becoming a Compassion International blogger, raising funds for a school to be built in Haiti (and it’s FULLY FUNDED, praise God!). We started the process to get our license to foster parent at full speed only for that process to rapidly slow down after Layla’s initial diagnosis and the news of how much help she would need. We had an amazing Thanksgiving with family and a gorgeous white Christmas that was literally a dream come true. And then all of the sudden it was the end of the year and I had this overwhelming feeling of “what the heck just happened?!” It was a busy year and there were certainly moments that seemed to drag on forever. But now that it’s over, I’m at a loss. I have no clue where the time went. I’m glad we made it count, fast moving as it may have been.
And now we start again. With this New Year often comes resolutions made in haste only to quickly be forgotten. Not only am I likely to forget or abandon a resolution, Lord knows all I need in my life right now is another To-Do list. It’s not going to work right now. But I can do a word. I can choose a word and let my life reflect that word for a year. When I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, I may not be keen on meditating on a list of tasks that I have set for myself to accomplish…but I can handle a word.
With all that happened in 2012; in my personal life, but also in the world in general, there has been one thing that has weighed heavily on my heart and mind. Be present. We get so caught up in what tomorrow could potentially bring sometimes that we miss what’s happening right in front of us. I don’t want to do that anymore. So this year, my word is present.
With situations like Sandy Hook, I have been guilty of fearing that if we go certain places and do certain things, we will be more at risk. “If I take my kids to this busy mall, will there be a shooter there? If Kevin works late at his theatre, will he be safe? What if he’s not? I better stay up and make sure he gets home okay.” It’s exhausting! And I don’t want to do that this year. This year I want to focus on the God who has already assigned us our portion and our cup and has made our lot secure. Psalm 15:5 I am going to be present. Live each moment without fear or worry about what might happen while we live. Whether we have one day left or one hundred years left, we need to be present and gratefully experience each moment that has been given to us by the God who knew our future before we were even born.
With Layla’s neurological disorder it is easy to live for the future instead of for the day. Hearing the doctor tell us that Layla will probably also get the official diagnosis of Asperger’s eventually, in addition to the SPD and that what we’ve dealt with so far is only the tip of the iceberg makes me feel so anxious. “When can we hurry up and find out exactly what’s going on? Can we just get her all fixed already? Let’s just get this taken care of! Can we hurry up and get the occupational therapy done so she can start working on the physical therapy?! She shouldn’t have to wait so long!” I can’t live like that anymore. I’m going to make myself (and Layla, for that matter) miserable and miss out on what’s going on in the present by getting so caught up in the future. The truth is, there is no timeline. And trying to rush things isn’t going to help or change anything. I need to be present in the process, not always looking for the next thing to do.
I need to spend this year meditating on this: “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” Luke 12:25-26
It’s time to replace being preoccupied with what the future might hold with being present.
Present with my sweet babies. Present with my handsome husband. Present with Jesus in quiet times without my mind wandering off to what needs to be done after devotions are over.
That’s my word.
What will yours be?
Until the next blog…be blessed!